| Location | Loughton |
| Age | 19 years |
| Date of Birth | 1987 |
| Date of Death | 3/2006 |
| Visitors | 3,404 since 26/03/2006 |
| Creator |
well i dont know where to start really, i have been friends with this girl siobhan for 15 yrs i am only 19 and so is she and she was the sort of person who would never harm anyone, she was a true best friend and because i dont have any close girl mates she meant so much to me, she was the only person i could tell absoulty anthing about to (besides my mum who i am close to) well i phoned her yesterday 16th march and her dad asked to speak to my mum i immediatly knew what he was going to say sometimes you just know and i did, she was found at a hotel dead , she had taken her own life. she was due to meet the bloke she was seeing (scott) and he didnt turn up, i knew she had got depressed about him before and tried to take her life i made sure she promised me she would never do that again. i found out last night because her parents didnt have my number as police have got her phone. weird thing is i rang her on tuesday and it went striaght to her answer phone i thought oh thats weird she prob has a job as i know shewas looking for one and so i text her saying hi just to let you know i rang, and last night i thought it was weird she hadnt got bk as we spoke 3 times a wk or more and if she didnt have any creit she would always ring off her house phone. so when i rang and to hear that i havent been able to stop crying as we have so much history together it still has not sunk in i woke up this morning thinking ill give her a call and i bet she answers and its all been a terrible dream but i was wrong. i dont think its actually gonna hit me till i go to the funeral. no one knows how close we were. we even said we dont know what we would do without each other we had planned so much like getting a flat together all the silly little things and i was learning to drive and still am but i couldnt wait till i had passed just so i could see her more, its just all such a waste and in some ways im angry because rather someone not choose to dye she could still be alive as she had the choice. i just wish she could of phoned me, and im wondering weather she did wanna dye or was a cry for help. she was differnt to everyone else unlike me i would get down about lads or bout not having a job even thou i have now she would emotley depressed, i keep thinking that along the lines it would of been a period where we didnt talk and we will see each other again. i just wish she could explain why. i keep wondering whther there is anything afer life or if shes just dead and there isnt nothing out there. i just wish i could see her, i writing this and it dont seem real. its such a waste over a boy,. her parents dont know when the funeral is as the police have to investigate, xxxxxx goodbye my friend you were one in a million, thankyou for everything you evr did for me thankyou for the times i use to text you upset in the early hours of the moring and you would wake up and text me back, i hope to see you one day again xxxThis is a tribute for siobhan who was my best friend for 15yrs who sadly took her life on march 14th ,i feel so lonely now as i could tell her anything and she is the only one that was always there for me,i miss her so much,we had so many things planned together and now thats all been taken away i wish i could see her again.she is sadly missed and not a day goes by when i dont think of her. She was the best friend i could ever wish for xx
HERE IS THE POEM I READ AT HER FUNERAL
My Best Friend
My best friend would always see me through…
Believed in all the things I wanted to do…
Felt happy when my dreams came true...
That’s just the way you were…
My best friend would always be right there…
With wisdom, faith, and strength to share…
With love to show how much you cared
That’s just the way you were.
havent wrote for ages
hi hun hope your ok up there. cant believe i havent wrote on here for so long.. dont think i have forgotton about you as i havent i think bout you a lot. have just now .. was thinkin how much i wasted my teen years and could of done so much stuff with you if i werent with that possesive nutta of a boyfriend. im so glad i am with bren. my life has changed so much!! i have a brand new house now:) and louise is nearly one!! if only you were here i would be able to do so much with you as bren is so laid back. just looked at our pics and made me think it seems ages ago they were taken years even!!!didnt seem so long ago you passed away but now it does for some reason.hope your with me still i was thinking the other say whther you are actually with me when i need you. just wish i could of given you one last hug. you wasted such a good life you could of had siobhan. i never would of thought you wouldnt be here by time were 21.just goes to show you never do know what is round the corner. just cant believe you gave up everything and for what?? ill never know. love you xxx
miss you
hi babe cant believe how long you been gone!!!been thinking bout you lot recently saw your photos and bought a tear to my eye.miss you so much.im still living in the same place looking for a house.sorry aint been on here for ages but had my little girl louise as you prob know really wish you were here to see me and her. had weird dream bout you the other day how i actually stopped you from dying you know when a dream seems so real and then you wake up and just wish you could fall asleep again.was thinking bout some of the things we use to say to each other the other day made me smile lol. we were a pair hey!!! #louise is nearly 5 months now!! really shows how quickly time goes hey.!! well speak soon hun hope ya ok up there flirting with the fit ones hey!!! yeah i know you lol. xxx love you
hi chaze its lucy. i no u are rele upset bout sioban and there aint nothin any of us can do part from be there for u, wich u are always for me so i am and will be for u x try not to be upset too much, but sometimes u need to cry to feel better. remember the good tyms.she was so nice and funny and wouldnt want u to be sad all the time.i am sure she is proud of u they way u have tried to get on with life, but not forgetting her. love you, from your lil sis xxx
Hi Siobhan
Hi Siobhan,
I just wanted too say thank you for what you and Ash have done for me. In Charlotte you've given me one of the nicest people I've ever met. She's absolutely lovely and has openly put herself out for me to be not only somebody to talk too but also a top mate as well. I know You and Ash must've met up there because Charl is so much like Ash in so many ways that go beyond personality that you two must've planned it together.
We never knew each other but I owe you big time.
I hope you're ok and I hope You and Ash are taking care of each other. Charl loves you very much and can you tell my baby Ash that I love her too.
Take care xxx
getting scared now:(
hi babe
hope your ok up there. and watching down on me:) you probably think im silly but im so stressed out at the moment just loads of things on my mind. im so scared of losing bren.i mean i lost you and i keep thinking that im haunted by bad luck. to lose him would be horrible. every time he goes somewhere i keep thinkin that will be the last time i will see him and always make sure i hug him as much as poss. your prob thinking how stupid i am lol but i never did get to tell you how much i really thought of you. and couldnt bare that to happen with him:(
i remember not so long ago us saying how it would be horrible losing each other. i carnt even visit your grave thats the saddest thing and the hardest thing to deal with. i just want to go and talk to you when i want to but this is te onyl way.:(
not long before i have the little baby. really hope we find somewhere decent to live. hope you will help me on that. as i only want the best for my baby.still find it hard to express myself but never no really what to say when people ask me whats wrong. i mean what can the say? oh dont worry you will be ok soon? theres only so such much someone can say hey. well speak soon buddy,xxxxxxx miss and thnk of you always xxxxxxxx
life is so unfair
what a terrible shame,such a beautiful young girl,to have felt the need to take her own life is so tragic,siobhan sweetheart you will feel no heartache where you are now only eternal love,god bless you beautiful girl xxxxx and to your devoted friend charlotte please dont think there is nowhere after this, there is far to much evidence of the after life, keep talking to siobhan as i promise you she will be by your side through your life because you had such a special bond ,nothing you could have said or done would have saved siobhan as your life is mapped out for you from the day you are born,and no one will ever change the hand of fate,she was meant to go home to god the day she did,life is just so unfair,god bless you charlotte xxxx
so stressed:(
hi babe
im so stressed out:( trying to get a place to live for when babys born.and there are so many things. just feel like crying. prob my hormones as well lol. so weird but i was goona ring you just now cos i could really do with talkin to you.cos im up in colchester at moment as got to get a house here havent i due to brendons work being here. im going to be so lonely living here and im goona miss my mum so much:( still carnt get over that your gone..just why did you have to do what you did i mean we could of had so many happy times now im not with some control freek!!carnt believe i let him stop me from goin out with you soemtimes.i feel so alone lately babe havent got any one else i can tell eveerything to.i can kind of tell brendon but still find it hard to show how im feelin.i just feel so down today and wana cry.sometimes i just feel like giving up but im being really strong at the mo.feels like you aint watching me any more again.like you have left me to get on with things but i could really do with you being with me at the mo.im so scared about being a mum and whether i will be good or not. i want the child to have everything i had and didnt have and better.i hope my little girl is healthy inside me.i know brendons mums only trying to help out with things and im really grateful ,but i feel really smothered at the mo. like my life is trying to be run and descisions are being made for me.when i like knowing shes there for me and bren to help out with trying to find somewhere ect but i wanna do things my way and get what i want not what she thinks is best. just hope she doesnt smoother me when i got the lil baby as i couldnt take that. im going to be so protective with my lil girl:) any way ill speak soon babe. love you always. stiil aint wrote a letter to your parents yet keep meaning to but been so busy. they said i can have one of your lil teddys for the baby , ill be cuddling it more than the baby probably lol.
love you xxxxxx
I'm so sorry
I'm so sorry for the loss and pain Charlotte and anybody has suffered. What a sad loss and a beautiful girl.
Charlotte your messages have just made me cry-a lot!-Siobhan was lucky to have such a good best friend! Thank you for writing a message on Ash's page, it means a lot too me. Good luck with the little girl!
Keep us updated, Ash would want too know! xxx
A YEAR TODAY!!:(
HI BABE I REALLY CARNT BELIEVE YOU HAVE BEEN GONE A WHOLE YEAR!!!!!!I DONT KNOW WHERE THAT TIME HAS GONE.I DONT FEEL AS BAD AS I THOUGHT I WOULD BE.WEIRD I NO BUT I THINK ITS BECAUSE YOU HAVE GIVEN ME BRENDON TO LOOK AFTER ME AND BECAUSE I KNOW ITS YOUR DOING OF MAKING ME FEEL THIS HAPPY. IVE NEVER FELT SO HAPPY IN ALL MY LIFE. BUT THE ONE THING THAT WILL ALWAYS BE MISSING IS YOU. AND I KNOW I CARNT EVER WISH YOU BACK BUT I KNOW NOW THAT YOU REALLY ARE LOOKING AFTER ME.I MISS YOU ALWAYS SO DONT YOU FORGET.YOUR ALWAYS IN MY THOUGHTS. EVERYTHING IS GOING OK WITH MY LITTLE BABY GIRL JUST SEEMS AGES YET TILL SHES BORN LOL. AND IM SO SCARED OF A LONG LABOUR AND THE PAIN. REALLY DONT THINK IM STRONG ENOUGH TO COPE WITH THE PAIN:(MISS YOU LOADS AND ILL ALWAYS KEEP YOU UPDATED. LOVE YOU XXXXX
so happy!!!!
just to update you i found out that i am having alittle girl!!!!! feel the happiest i have ever been!! i wouldnt dream of hurting my boyfriend ever!! as i hve everything i have ever dreamed of i dont need to carry on looking any more. i hope i continue to make him happy as he means the world to me and if he ever got taken away from me i wouldnt know what to do!!i wish you were here to share my happiness even thou i know most of this is prob down to you lol!!miss you soo much:( carnt believe its nearly been a year next month!!!! gone so quick! i remember how we couldnt wait to be 18 and now i dont want to grow up :) dont think i have forgotton about you as i havent ok just i have brendon who makes me so happy and takes my mind off things. carnt wait to see my little girl when she comes into the world.ill be the best mother ever as i know you will be by my side looking after her too and making sure she is healthy. thankyou for everything.
love you xxxxxxxx
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